Sunday, 25 September 2011

The Gentle Art of Feigning Interest

Went to one of my cousins.. (i think) 1st birthday party this afternoon, and i realised something, i hate kids. I guess I love the younger members of my family, only because they're family, not as if i wouldn't throw them some change if I found them on the street or anything. They're just so damn needy, the younger ones. Some are better than others though. Is it ok to hate some kids and not others? I just can't be arsed with it all, to be honest. Parents are always banging on about how their children have changed their lives etc, yeah, righto. I've never actually figured out whether they are referring to positive change, change for the good, or like the changes to life that something such as Cancer would bring.

The party location was pretty swish though. It seems my Uncle is doing rather well for himself over in Oz. I'll get out there one day i'm sure. I'm certainly not dying in Britain.

Le Party location:
















Sooo, I managed at least 3 hours at this party, which was a rather top effort in my humble. There's only so much shit you can actually talk to these distant family members you have absolutely no idea about.
My Girlfriend and I run on these occasions with a level of rapport you might find between. I can't think of anything right now, i'll update it later. Anyhow, I'm the over worked and arrogant suit and she the young and sympathetic PA, reminding me on request of names, traits and previous business dealings. It works well.

The Girlfriend:





















Don't you just hate dealing with that fake family bollocks, i think what pisses me off most is that decision  whether you should kiss and hug, hug then kiss, kiss both cheeks, just the one? Just shake hands, curtsey, knock heads like the common goat. I inevitably get it wrong and then feel awkward about it. But its the worst kind of awkward, she just saw me wipe my bum and look at the toilet paper awkward. I mean, why can't there just be some universal greeting, like some low throat rumbling, no 'touchy feely' involved, i wouldn't even need to look at them, a quick bloody gargle and the whole rooms done; Right, wheres the red wine.

Weekends ticking away her final minutes, gutted. There's no wine here either, i need a wine. Whine with a wine, thats what  i say.

Ciao Ciao x





Saturday, 24 September 2011

Hello, I'm Twig

Ach well, here I am, at last. I have been meaning to set up this blog for a while and now i've done it, Yay for fulfilment!

I'm Twig:























What to say.. I feel oddly pressured to make a good impression..? I should probably say as the Blog title suggests, that i'm a 20 something University graduate (2009), hence the pessimism. Born into a world of shite after University, that probably is a little dramatic but no jobs, no money, no money, no car, no money,  no smoking in pubs, no facial hair and no opportunities for nepotism! Topped off with the realisation that i'm probably going to die before I reach retirement age, which is actually, thinking about it, quite a positive, like an undigested berry in the poop.

BUT! April 21st 2010 I landed my first 'proper' job. Daytime TV and masturbation were no more! Well, less anyway...  After 6 months on the Bank of Mum and Dad I had made an independent man of myself; apart from the fact that I will never be able to afford a house of my own and will be living with Mum, Dad and my Girlfriend for the forseeable half century, I was INDEPENDENT! 

17 months or so have now passed since my liberation and i've not got a great deal to show for it unless you read my CV or take my blood pressure. Although I did treat myself to a 27" iMac.

The iMac: 
























So this is my whirlwind introduction all about moi. I intend to use and develop my blog for reflective and therapeutic reasons; a blade to slash at the mocking face of life, a wet dap to tan the hide of reality! I hope you can concur but i'm not really that bothered if you don't.